Top 10 "Not to Do's"
By: Catherine Ott |
Friday July 13, 2007 |
| Horror Movie Blunders |
| Horror Movie Blunders
Taking a queue from Jamie Kennedy's character in Scream, I decided to compile my own list of the Top 10 Stupidest Things You Can Do in a Horror Movie. This list is geared towards those who ever plan on starring in, making, or just plainly pointing out the stupid actions of the actors in horror films. Note: if you ever find yourself being chased by a masked, chainsaw-wielding psychopath, this list might come in handy. 1. Falling Is it REALLY that hard to keep your balance? And did you REALLY need to take the path through the woods with the most strategically places rocks and holes? You fall just one time and you're dead. Even though you're running like crazy and the psychopath is walking calmly behind you, he WILL catch up. Watch your feet. 2. Doing drugs You've heard it since Mrs. Johnson's first grade class: JUST SAY NO. Not only do drugs inebriate your judgment and motor skills, they also make you a prime target for psychopaths. Even though psychopaths are, well, psycho, they do tend to off the people who commit unlawful or sinful acts; which brings me to number 3. 3. Having sex As sure as someone's going to get killed in a horror movie, you are just as likely to see partial, if not complete, nudity. Looking back, you can see that I'm right. Now, think even harder: how many of these scantily-clad women, or men, have survived? None. Don't be a fool: save it for the sequel. 4. Believing the killer is dead. He's not. 5. Investigating a strange noise So you hear a twig snap outside, or better yet, footsteps. There is actually a plan of action I have conducted for just such an occasion: 1. Grab phone. 2. Hide. 3. Wait it out. Has anyone ever done this plan? No; and they ended up dead. "Oh I hear a strange noise, I better go outside and investigate." You might as well ring a bell and yell "Come and get it!" Sure, that noise could be nothing, which is why you should wait it out. In case it is something, however, it is best that you have a phone by you, so there's at least a slight chance the police will get there in time. 6. Not believing the creepy little kid How many movies have been released with a little creepy kid saying things like, "I see dead people," or "There's a man in my closet?" or just plainly, "They're heeere!" And how many times have those creepy little kids been right? Believe them. 7. Having creepy kids. 8. Being naïve. Trust no one. I don't want to go all X-Files on ya'll, but seriously. In any type of horror movie situation, it is imperative that you do not rely on anyone else for your safety, or for the truth, because chances are, they're lying…and they're about to kill you. 9. Running up the stairs "Ah! Killer! I better run upstairs. I have a better chance of escaping on the SECOND floor, than the first. AND I might be able to even fall a few times, and let creepy psycho guy catch up to me." Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Well apparently that's what's going through a lot of horror movie actor's minds while being chased. Run out the door. It's that simple. 10. Going into sketchy places This really should be common sense. Any place containing: a gravel/dirt road, cemetery, dilapidated house, basement, etc. are places one should avoid entirely. Go there, and you will not returning for the sequel my friend. |
