The Crypt Keeper Spins Tales

By: R. Burke

Tuesday October 30, 2007

Originally airing on HBO, Tales From the Crypt – Season Seven is a ghoulish fun-filled slasher-rooney whereby the actors and directors keep the blood, guts, and guffaws gushing. The three disc set features guest stars such as Natasha Richardson as a lawyer planning a fatal caper, Ewan McGregor who gets down and zombie for a Cold War and Daniel Craig who finds out how the sneaky, freaky, ad biz really works. Other guest stars include the likes of Eddie Izzard, Robert Lindsay, Bob Hoskins, and Elizabeth McGovern.

Nothing here taxes the brains too much; this is gory eye-candy after all, and for me the best part has always been the Crypt Keeper and his silly groan-inducing quips. Thankfully I got the chance to sit in the dungeon and chat with the Crypt Keeper himself and the man behind the decaying mask, actor and voice over artist John Kassir.

So the final scare of the gory and frightening Tales from The Crypt: The Complete Seventh Season from Warner Home Video is dripping down shelves now, just in time for Halloween. Nominated for 7 Primetime Emmy awards, I asked the Crypt Keeper how he felt about missing out on his own personal bloody nod:

CK: (laugh) Nobody takes horror acting seriously, folks, but I gotta tell you, fright fans, actors work awfully hard trying to make a decapitation look bloody real. Lamenting the death of a loved one is easy on primetime; try faking your head flying off at the hand of your lover – that's a performance worthy an Emmy hats off! (laughs).

R Burke: Didn't Kirk Douglas win an Emmy doing a Tales from the Crypt?

CK: (laughs) Kirk was nominated in 1992 for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series, but didn't take the statue home. But we had our seven nods and another 4 wins & 8 nominations in other award cate-gorys! Not bad if you axe me! (laughs)

Do you have a favorite show?

I love them all. You know, I grew-up reading those classic moldy-but-goodie E.C. horror comics from back when. I die-lighted in turning the pages before my demise and so when I was dug up and axed to host them for HBO – well, I just screamed bloody murder: over and over and over! (laughs)

Okay - enough, I can't take his rotting stench any longer. Returning to my review: a change that made these Tales from the Crypt – The Seventh Season a real blast of cable dynamite was that it was primarily filmed using a studio full of competent overseas actors that you'll recognize but have a hard time remembering all their names. No worries however, their wonderfully accented voices and fine-tuned acting skills somewhat elevates the whole bloody business a few notches above the other seasons, and so "star power" or not, these are a wonderful collection to behead, um... behold.

I mean let's be honest here, horror fans, the fact that these are short little puddles of blood to stick your finger in, by the time you've tasted a few and begin to yawn from the cable blues, it's pretty much over and done with. Which does makes these perfect for Halloween parties, you know - great backdrops for sloshing down drinks while opening the door to tiny trick or treat-ers bloated on candy corn and chocolate bars. At least way better than a dusty sound effects CD from the dollar store. And these horror samplers can easily be tucked away until your next Halloween party pretty much like the aluminum Christmas tree and plastic Easter baskets made in China. So there you go.

Another of the episodes entitled "Fatal Caper" is directed by Roger Rabbit and Mona Lisa star Bob Hoskins (unfortunately not billed on the outer packaging. I guess they thought he wasn't worthy the mention – all glory is fleeting I guess.) With a sexy Natasha Richardson (Nell & Patty Hearst) as a deadly opportunistic attorney, and character actor extraordinaire chubby-wubby Leslie Phillips, both being directed by the multi-talented Hoskins, this piece of horror fluff is a real hoot-in-nanny. Watch the finale as a totally naked Richardson opens her trench coat to reveal... no way, man... gotta get the DVD. No spoilers here. Boo-ha-ha-ha.

And still another favorite TFTK stars cross-dressing comedian Eddie Izzard (out of gear) as a famous writer accused of going all serial killer and Irish celebrity Ciarán Hinds (Steven Spielberg's Munich), is the hard case detective that ruthlessly questions him. Another great bit of casting that feels like a twisted stage play with its intimate banter and all too grimy locations. Nothing tongue-and-cheek about this gory thriller, just good old-fashioned acting and writing – very Twilight Zone-ish by the way.

Oh-oh-oh... and Ewan McGregor (Big Fish & Star Wars- Episode III) answers the age-old question do vampires and zombies get along in the aptly named Cold War. This TFTK delivers shootouts, rip-roaring brawls, and pretty cool special effects with a bloody silliness reminiscent of the recent Tarantino/Rodriguez grindhouse fare.

But my absolutely most beloved Tales From the Crypt is a nasty little ditty dubbed "About Face." This perversity stars Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake) and Anthony Andrews (Haunted) with Emma Bird (The Governess) and Lone Vidahl (sense and sensibility). It is the strangest and creepiest of the lot with a near perfect ending that will surprises and nauseate the toughest most die-hard horror fans. Or maybe it's just my fear of gals with awful split personalities? I dunno, either way I was impressed with the stellar cast and the special effects were really first rate. I didn't want this one to end so quickly as it did. This one was well worth the price of admission, folks.

So if you're looking for a thrifty nifty boxed set of tasty trashy horror stories for the darker holidays, the latest offering from Warner Bros., HBO's Tales From the Crypt – The Seventh Season is the perfect trick or treat.

Now back to the Crypt Keeper:

You have any final words?

This is the Crypt Keeper from Tales From The Crypt wishing everyone at staticmultimedia.com a happy Halloween! (laughs & Laughs & laughs)