In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Rating PG13 Formats DVD Genre action Starring Jason Statham, John Rhys Davies, Ray Liotta, Matthew Lillard, Leelee Sobieski Directed by Uwe Boll Publisher 20th Century Fox External Links In the Name of the King Website

In the Name of the King.... another Uwe Boll masterpiece (when compared to BloodRayne 2: Deliverance)! Actually, I was under the impression that he was executed or committed suicide after that movie came out, but he's not going away anytime soon... I mean he still has Seed and Postal to live for. His latest 'achievement' is the 'epic' story of a simple turnip farmer with mad boomerang skills named... Farmer, played by Jason Statham. Farmer's simple, unassuming life is rocked with tragedy when his plucky son is killed and his adoring wife (Claire Forlani) is kidnapped... all this after a foreshadowing visit from Ron Pearlman. Included among this all-star cast is Ray Liotta (that's right, Ray Liotta), John Rhys-Davies (who's last name wasn't flagged by my spell checker. Weird.), Burt Reynolds (oh yeah, Burt mofoing Reynolds), Leelee Sobieski (can't ride that "Wonder Years" steam forever.), Kristana Loken and Matthew Lillard (who, hopefully, has learned that this movie is what happens when The Gibson hacks you).

Ray Liotta plays a sorcererous tool who spends his time fondling Leelee Sobieski (I mean draining her power for nefarious purposes) and teaching orcs (I mean Krugs) the finer arts of war. The kingdom is in peril, the King's power hungry nephew (Lillard) has sold out loyalty to Loitta. Statham is drawn into this grand tale only to discover that King Reynolds is his father. After regretting her frolic with Liotta and placing the kingdom in a right pickle, Sobieski dons her Joan of Arc costume and sets off to do battle at her fathers side (Rhys-Davies (that's seriously weird with the spell checker)). These characters have names people, I just don't care what they are. Anyway, the forces of good and evil clash and an epic battle ensues complete with ninjas. Ok, that last sentence was anti-climatic but in my defense, so was the epic battle. To be fair the fight scenes are well done, just not terribly exciting

While it's not a complete fail, it is too long and I hear there is even more footage someone forgot to throw away whilst cleaning up the cutting room. The world and characters are very, very similar to ones in more successful fantasy films. For example, John Rhys-Davies is both Merlin and Gandalf, with just a touch of Gimli; Statham is both King Arthur and Aragorn. Legolas is one of the Cirque du Soleil faeries (Loken) our heroes encounter in the forest.

On the positive side, the script is horrible and would make a fine episode of MST3K. Two such examples of poor script and bad acting is the overacting King Reynolds on his deathbed giving Statham a bit of sage advice on the benefits of seaweed in farm irrigation and Matthew Lillard.

Thankfully, I saw this movie for free and all I lost was time... even though that time felt like it was measured in dog years. But hell, I say watch it! Turn the volume way down and make up your own lines... you can't hurt this film, folks.