Lone Rider

Rating NR Formats DVD Genre drama Starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Stacy Keach, Vincent Spano Directed by David S. Cass, Sr. Publisher RHI Entertainment

I try to watch every movie that I have yet to see without bias, and in the process have discovered that some movies that which appear to be absolutely terrible from the outside are actually quite good works of cinema. Sometimes I come prepared for the worst – caffeine if I’m determined, or a pillow if less so. When I looked at the cover art for Lone Rider (no doubt a hastily photo-shopped affair), I bought some cheap wine, taking a sip from the bottle at the beginning of the movie in celebration of the film’s commencement. Half way through the movie, and three-quarters through the bottle, the film was no better. If anything, it got substantially worse.

The sad thing is that fifty years ago, this film would have been released on the big screen and probably done quite well. Fifty years
ago, maybe the masses would have rejoiced in the cinematic achievement. Maybe Lou Diamond Phillips and John Wayne would have been mentioned in the same breath. But over that half century, acting has gotten better, as has directing, screen writing, and (good God) special effects. As Roland Deschain would have said, “The world has moved on.”

The story of Lone Rider is taken from the stereotype dictionary: a decorated soldier (Bobby Hattaway played by Lou Diamond Phillips) comes home to the Wild West to find his best girl (Cynthia Preston as Constance) married to his prickly best friend (Vincent Spano as Stu Crocker). Of course, that best friend now owns the town through some shady business ventures, and eyes the Hattaway family’s land to further his money-making scheme, without regard to the friendship. That is absolutely all you need to know about this movie. That is all you should know about this movie.

The acting is atrocious, which is a fine mate for such horrendous writing (Phillips has starred in such rip-roaring classics as Bats and Supernova). The special effects are a spectacle to behold – tomato juice for blood, cap gun cracks for gunshots, and the same horse bray used at least thirteen different times. A doctor’s building has a huge sign that says, “Dr. C. Norris,” no doubt a homage to old Chuck. The same red fruit-punch drink that is substituted for alcohol can be seen in several different locations, and there are only a very select few times that anyone has a speck of dirt on their bodies. This is supposed to be the old west – dust raised by cattle, horse feces everywhere – and the clothes remain in pristine condition.

There’s a reason we don’t see these actors consistently in good movies. And a reason this went straight to DVD. The bonus features have little interviews with a couple of the actors, but this just makes you more upset that they’re allowed to have more screen time in any format.