P2

Rating R Formats DVD Genre horror Starring Rachel Nichols, Wes Bently Directed by Franck Khalfoun Publisher Summit Entertainment External Links P2 Website

What makes a movie bad? Is it a movie that is so forgettable that it is not even worth watching? Or is it a movie that is so stupid the audience is insulted? Perhaps it is a movie that when you are done you wish you had those two hours back.

P2 fulfills all of these criteria in spades. Rachel Nichol plays Angela, a lawyer, working late on Christmas Eve in a New York City high rise. You get a general sense that her character is a weak female who is overworked and places her job before family as she tries to get ahead in a man's world.

This is not a terribly interesting or original setting to get the movie started out on. Furthermore, the filmmakers don't ever show the character come into her own.

With her arms full of Christmas presents, she loads into her car to find it won't start. After some huffing and puffing she meets Thomas, played by Wes Bently. Thomas is an uber-nice parking garage attendant who tries to help her out while still being slightly creepy.

Long story short, she ends up being trapped in parking garage level two. Thomas is her obsessed captor who is doing all of this to help her become stronger. What the movie amounts to is a male sexual fantasy; helpless girl needing a knight in shining armor.

Having a character that is so perverted that he thinks kidnapping the woman he is obsessed with and subjecting her to different situations where she needs to assert her power is an intriguing idea. Unfortunately, that doesn't come to pass. The only situation he presents is for her to take revenge on a co-worker who tried to molest her at the Christmas party.

When she says that she won't do it he reveals that he never had any intention of having her kill him. He bloodily bashes the man's face in, then runs him into a wall until his head explodes.

Let's take a moment to talk about the explosions in this movie. This is one of those movies set in a world that looks much like our own, yet adheres to no rules of our natural world. Heads explode, dogs explode, cars explode; everything explodes.

The end (trust me, this ruins nothing) she lights a pool of gasoline on fire and Thomas, who is handcuffed to a car, is engulfed in the flames. A moment later the car blows up.

Now, back in the 80's that would be an okay way to dispose of a villain (see, Mad Max), but after Mythbusters debunked the exploding car by gasoline tank catching on fire we are smarter and demand more from movies.

To be more specific about how lame Thomas' demise is. First, she stabs him in the eye with a lock pick. That is stolen from Die Hard 2: Die Harder, when John McClain stabs the terrorist in the eye with an icicle. Which was cooler? Yes, Die Hard 2, icicle.

Then she strangles him almost to death with the handcuffs that have restrained her this entire time. That is stolen from the first scene of No Country for Old Men, when Anton Sigur kills the police officer. Which was cooler? Yes, No Country for Old Men, Sigur.

Then she hand cuffs him to the car leaking gasoline like in Mad Max. Mad Max takes it to the next level, by giving him a hack saw to either cut through his wrist or the handcuffs to get away. Which was cooler? You're on a roll, Max Max and the hack saw.

Finally, she lights the gasoline on fire and it explodes. This is actually done in all three of the previously mentioned films.

The point is, this movie is the regurgitated remains of other good films and it is not satisfying to any movie watcher.

The movie is labeled as a horror and suspense, but it fulfills neither of these criteria. For suspense to be successful, the audience needs to be wondering what will happen next, surprised when something does happen, and care about the characters involved.

The experience watching this film is that you know what will happen next so you are not surprised when it does and don't really care.

The horror label is also a misnomer, because there's nothing scary or psychologically frightening about this movie.

The scenario is ludicrous and it doesn't capitalize on what could be potentially very interesting about two people locked in a parking garage to fight to the death.

The camera placement showcases the director, Frank Khalfoun's, complete lack of vision and competence. The good moments the actors have on screen is due to their abilities as actor's, and not from a director pulling out a performance.

This gives both Bently and Nichols predictable and boring performances that never transcend the script.

The editing is paced without any sense for suspense or even basic storytelling for that matter. All scary moments are completely reliant on music cues, not the use of mise en scene or effective editing.

This litany of criticisms may be overwhelming, so in the effort of being fair, there is one redeeming quality about P2 that I will mention, and that is The P2 Drinking Game.

What you need: One copy of "P2", friends, a bottle of your favorite spirits.

How to play: Open bottle of spirits, insert P2 into your DVD player. Hit "play". Every time that the word "P2" appears on screen in a prominent position, drink. Repeat as needed. (On my counting, "P2" appears in a prominent position in frame thirty times. For the hard core, include double or triple drinks for when they go to P1, P3, and P4).

If you participate in the P2 Drinking Game, you will probably really enjoy this movie and find that it is worthy of watching again the next time you are having friends over. At the same time, after that much booze you would probably enjoy anything.

If you choose to watch this movie, sans game, you will be left with the question that we began with and be bored, insulted, and wishing you had those two hours of your life back.