John Tucker Must Die

Rating PG-13 Formats DVD Genre comedy Starring Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow, Ashanti, Sophia Bush, Arielle Kebbel Directed by Betty Thomas Publisher 20th Century Fox External Links Official John Tucker Must Die Website

John Tucker Must Die is one of the most vapid movies I've seen in some time. It's a pathetic tale of teenage revenge on the "hottest guy in school" John Tucker (Jesse Metcalfe) who is dating at least 3 girls. When the three girls figure out they're all dating John Tucker, rather than hating the game, the three girls decide to hate the player. They enlist the new girl in school (Brittany Snow) to win him over and then break his heart.

Everything they try is pathetic and predictable. Spike his power drink with estrogen tablets that not only make his nipples sensitive but actually make him act effeminate? Check. Trick him into wearing a girl's thong and then take an embarrassing photo? Check. Post a photo of him in an ad campaign for herpes? Yeah, it's that bad. All of these revenge tactics backfire on the girls as John's popularity wins out every time, relegating them back to huddle up and plan their next strategy over an insane amount of chocolate, pizza, and ice cream.

The acting is phoned in and in some cases horribly miscast (Jenny McCarthy as the mom of a 17 year old girl? C'mon!) No part of this movie is in anyway believable or more importantly sympathetic. You don't really care if John Tucker gets away with it or not and you certainly don't care if gets what's supposedly coming to him.

Extras... oh really who cares? The DVD includes the theatrical and unrated versions (selectable in via the menu) as well as widescreen or full screen options (accessible on either side of the disc). I opted for the unrated version but even that seemed pretty tame to me. There's a music video from the band People In Planes, full length audio commentary by the director Betty Thomas and her editor, and some deleted scenes (just in case you were a masochist and wanted to subject yourself to some more suckage).

If this is what passes for teen comedies these days, then I weep for this generation's teens. Where is their John Hughes? Hughes relied on smart dialogue, introducing us to exciting new music we'd never heard of. John Tucker Must Die subjects you to dialogue you see coming a mile away and a soundtrack that seems handed over by a record company's focus group. This movie is a complete waste of your time, of the target audience's time, and of DVD shelf space.