BONES - The Complete 1st Season

Rating NR Formats DVD Genre television series Starring Emily Deschanel, David Boreanaz, Michaela Conlin, TJ Thyne Directed by Sanford Bookstaver, Jesus Salvador Trevino, Allan Kroeker, Greg Yaitanes, Tony Wharmby, James Whitmore Jr. Publisher 20th Century Fox External Links Official 20th Century Fox Website

A lukewarm forensics-for-dummies series riding the CSI gravy train, BONES eschews character development and complex storytelling for flat acting and shallow writing. Yet another glamorization of a scientific profession, BONES is based on the popular novels of forensic anthropologist Karen Reichs. The show's protagonist, the absurdly named Dr. "Temperance" Brennan, is a stoic, socially inept "smart is sexy" icon molded in the Scully vein. So brilliant that she’s out of touch with basic common sense and pop culture (i.e. she doesn’t know what TGIF means), she nevertheless sports elegant clothing, stunning eclectic jewelry, and a stylish coiffure. These aren’t the only incongruities in this so-called "realistic" forensics fantasia that defy logic and would have made it a perfect contender for the Lifetime Network had it not been scooped up by Fox. Aside from extreme nomenclature (Seeley Booth? Senator Bethlehem?), these 22 episodes are guaranteed to make you laugh (or cry) with disbelief.

Plucky and defiant as Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (with added ass-kicking martial arts skills), intrepid Dr. Brennan clashes with wise-cracking FBI Agent Booth (played unconvincingly by David Boreanaz of Angel), stirring up a very Scully/Mulder chemistry as they reluctantly collaborate on an uncanny number of federal cases requiring the good doctor’s expertise. The perfect foil to Brennan, Booth consistently flirts and antagonizes, bestowing her with the remarkably clever nickname "Bones." To further emphasize the conflict and comic relief, Bones snaps at least once in every episode: "Don’t call me 'Bones!'" Accordingly, their heavily scripted interactions generally involve Bones enlightening the painfully white-bread Booth about multi-culturalism (i.e, while exploring a murder in post-Katrina New Orleans, she haughtily explains the similarities between voodoo and Catholicism) while Booth tries to coach her to act like a "normal" human. Unfortunately, their forced chemistry sputters under too much self-conscious scripting and disconnected acting, supported by Bones' dull textbook drone and Booth's perpetually confused look.

Flanking this comically awful duo are BONES' partners-in-crime at Washington, D.C.'s Jeffersonian Museum: forensic artist/party girl Angela, boy wonder/intern Zach, and wry conspiracy theorist/researcher Jack. Amazingly, we are to believe that Angela and Bones — although they have nothing in common and show no discernible closeness towards each other — are best friends. Little more than a plot device for Bones to reveal her flaws, this relationship gives her a reason (albeit an unbelievable one) to wax analytical about her inability to form relationships with anyone other than dead people, and Angela offering up encouraging platitudes of the "lighten up" and "get laid" variety over a soothing acoustic guitar soundtrack. "I hate psychology, it's a soft science," Bones laments during one of these soul-searching afterhours girl talks. To which Angela soulfully quips, "I know, sweetie, but people are usually soft."

Against compelling forensics fare like CSI, amateur effort BONES just can't compete. It lacks the sophistication, lurid action, subtlety, or jarring plot twists to satisfy viewers in search of true crime. Its mysteries unfold way too neatly and offer no challenge for the hungry mind. What BONES does offer are middling stories with plenty of bad puns, decomposing skeletons, intelligent-sounding anthropological banter, and holographic crime "reconstructions" straight out of Star Trek. Somehow, these ridiculous elements kept me watching well into the 3rd disc. Whether to see how campy the next episode would be or to feed a guilty pleasure...now that's the real mystery.