Have it Your Way on Xbox

By: Andrew Hayward

Sunday December 17, 2006

Best marketing plan ever? Yeah, pretty much.
What was your most anticipated game of the holiday season? The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Nintendo Wii or GameCube? Gears of War for the Xbox 360? Guitar Hero II for the PlayStation 2?

Mine was Sneak King.

Alright, so I didn't expect it to be an all-time classic on a gameplay level, but the concept is unparalleled in the world of modern gaming. In what other setting could you hide from lumberjacks and surprise them with delicious sandwiches while doing a wacky dance? I dare you to find a better example of it.

Sneak King, along with Big Bumpin' and PocketBike Racer, was first made available at Burger King restaurants across the country on November 18th. By putting both Xbox and Xbox 360 versions on a single disc, Microsoft made The King available for millions of gamers at a price of just $3.99 each (with the purchase of a value meal).

The reviews have been mixed, but many have looked at these games on a pure gameplay level - the appeal of the Burger King games has so much more to do with humor and bizarre situations than innovation or depth. And on that level, the games deliver. As I see it, these games are well worth your combined twelve-dollar investment.

Sadly, the games are only scheduled to be available until December 24th, at which point they may be locked in a vault of stunning pop culture classics forever. Or more likely, they will continue to be available until the supplies run out. But why chance it? If you haven't made your move, now is the time to do it.

With roughly a week of official availability remaining, I have concocted ten fantastic reasons why you should add these to your collection - or at the very least, buy them for a friend. But they're really for you. Admit it.

10. Value
At a cost of just $3.99 each, these games are much cheaper than any new Xbox or Xbox 360 game on the market, not to mention more affordable than any game available on the Xbox Live Arcade service. Sure, you may have to buy a meal to get one, but you have to eat anyway, right? While the fries may still have that funky taste, the Chicken Whoppers are constantly delightful.

9. Xbox Live Enabled
Though Sneak King sadly lacks online play (how amazing would that be?), PocketBike Racer supports up to eight players on Xbox Live, while Big Bumpin' allows for four-player insanity. While I did not encounter a large amount of people on Live when I was playing earlier in the month, I did run into a couple of kind souls. One even sent me a message containing a homophobic slur. Such wisdom, such open-mindedness…

8. Brooke Burke
Alright, so she may not be in her Wild On! prime anymore, but Burke is still pretty hot - and bizarrely enough, she turns up as a playable character in both Big Bumpin' and PocketBike Racer. Her perfectly rounded posterior is visible in a red racing suit on the back of a miniature crotch rocket… hey, get your minds out of the gutter. She's a mother!

7. Sneak King
Sneak King gets my vote for the best of the bunch, from its ridiculous concept to its surprisingly well-done execution. Mimicking the stealth gameplay popularized by Metal Gear Solid, you are tasked with delivering warm, potentially delicious sandwiches to unsuspecting lumberjacks, construction workers, and suburbians alike. Solid Snake and Sam Fisher are total losers compared to The King - believe it.

6. Achievement Points
Looking to boost up your Xbox 360 Gamerscore? Still stuck in the four-digit range? Each of the Burger King games holds a total of 200 Achievement Points for you to earn, be it by completing missions in Sneak King or winning a race with every mascot in PocketBike Racer. For $12, you can earn up to 600 total points, while a full-price ($60) retail game only allows you to earn up to 1000 points. Plus, who wouldn't want these games listed on their Live profile?

5. Seriously, They're Funny
This whole plan would have been a disaster if the games were packaged and presented like your average corporate-sponsored cash-grab. Thankfully, they're packed with irreverent humor and jokes that are actually funny. Kudos to Blitz Games and the folks at Burger King for not botching this opportunity. McDonald's could never pull this off, but I'd love to see them try. ("Burger Flippin'" on the Nintendo Wii? I'm in!)

4. Dead Hookers Aplenty
PocketBike Racer features the song "Mary Sue" by Dead Hookers Bridge Club. I don't recall how good the song is, but that's not what really matters - the fact that a potential necrophilia reference made its way into a major corporate release is absolutely hysterical. Their mistake = my amusement.

3. PocketBike Racer
After a year of release, nearly every major genre has been represented on the Xbox 360. Well, except for one: kart racers. PocketBike Racer may swap mini-bikes for go-karts, but the result is the same: a simple, speedy, weapons-based racer that is fun in small doses. True, it is very rough around the edges, and while it may not match the quality of Mario Kart, it fills a major gap in the game library and is worth picking up.

2. Conversation Starters
If you are even remotely suave, you can use these brilliantly bizarre games as conversation starters the next time you have friends over. Leave them out for all to see, or feature them prominently in your entertainment center or media bookshelf. In no time, you'll be sneaking sandwiches, bumpin' Brooke Burke, and racing pocket bikes. Your friends will love you for it, even more than they previously did.

1. The King!
How creepily amazing is The King? From his first commercial, I knew he was something special. Not only is he playable in all three of these games, but the menu screens feature real-life video footage of The King doing creepy things - like hiding out around your driveway. The King makes all of these games possible, so if you have an unexplainable affection for the royal sandwich deliverer, make sure you grab Sneak King, Big Bumpin', and PocketBike Racer while you still can.