Nintendo Soccer
By: Patrick X. Best and Eric M. Martin |
Tuesday May 08, 2007 |
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The Best-Martin Virtual Report |
| Eric: And now, as promised, the second half of our Double Header. Tonight, on NES Soccer, Brazil takes on Japan in what promises to be a struggle of epic proportions. That's what the headlines should have read. What follows is the disappointment that made the morning edition. Soccer Originally Released for the NES Cost: 500 Wii Points ($5.00 US) Year of Release: 1985 Controller Options: Wii Remote | Classic Controller | Gamecube Controller OPENING THOUGHTS Patrick: Derr *drool*… Eric: Wake up Patrick! GENERAL OVERVIEW 6 teams, 6 players, no end to the suckage! The idea is to emulate a Soccer match, with the choice to play in 15, 30, or 45-minute halves complete with gender-neutral cheerleaders. What you get is something else entirely. Maintaining control of the ball is a crapshoot and attempts to wrestle control from the other player usually ends up in a penalty. If there is no clear winner at the end of the game, it ends in an alternating 5-for-5 shootout. The winner gets the glory, the loser goes home.  GAMEPLAY EXPERIENCE Patrick: So if your wondering why our opening thoughts were as they are. When we saw the opening and some computer gameplay we knew what were in for. This game well lets face it blows, and I'm talking BEE-LOWS goats! Eric: Considering our gameplay experience, I'm suggesting a new title: Off Sides! It would be one thing if I was forcing the other team to eat my socks. So much for getting control of the actual ball and attempting to make a point. Controls are sketchy at best and the passes are pretty blind. CHANGES Patrick: Since we've never played the original version we were unsure of any changes made to the import. Although we have many suggestions that they may want to take a look at. Though I did check the very handy Wikipedia and from what I've seen it is the same. JUDGEMENT Patrick: PASS! Yes I understand that this is a First-gen NES game but even then that's just no excuse. This game from the get go seems like a basic Nintendo Sports title, but once you get into it, it's failure after failure leading to a large explosion of dumb at the end. Eric: PASS The only great part of this game is the tie-breaking kickoff round. So, basically, we spent 500 Wii points on penalty kicks. Need I say more? |
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