Diddy, MTV, Performers, and Presenters Murder VMAs
By: Brett Hickman |
Monday August 29, 2005 |
| Host Diddy promised that "anything can happen." |
| The producers, directors, and organizers of this year's MTV Video Music
Awards must be the same inept clowns that put on the similarly wretched
Live8 coverage back in July. How else to explain the lack of choreography
between the happenings within Miami's American Airlines Arena and what the
cameramen were capturing? Dizzying pans from one place to another grew
tiring, making it appear as if perhaps wild chimps were working the
cameras instead of trained human beings.
Host Diddy promised that "anything can happen." And for the first half-hour or so it looked as if that would bear true. However, despite the opening water works show and acrobats in white hanging from the rafters of the arena, not much was worth dubbing a surprise. One of Diddy's "surprises" turned out to be MC Hammer. Despite the fact that he has had as many chances at a comeback as his old compatriot Vanilla Ice, Hammer managed to reinvigorate his tired classic "U Can't Touch This." Unfortunately, that was the high point, unless you count another tired, forgotten relic of the 90s hip-hop scene, Luke Campbell, bringing a bevy of women onstage to dance with Diddy and singer Omarion. They say rock is back, though the artist's performances last night would prove otherwise. The Killers' Brandon Flowers was out of breath performing their hit, "Mr. Brightside." My Chemical Romance seemed to phone it in. Coldplay, a band who delivered stunning performances at both the recent Live8 concerts, as well as at Alpine Valley, were just abysmal here. Singer Chris Martin's voice was positively wrecked; bassist Guy Berryman's backing vocals thin at best. Worse yet, drummer Will Champion came in late during the song's beginning, completely unraveling any chance the band had of rescuing the song. Green Day, who were the big award winners of the night with seven of eight "Moonmen" trophies, were the only rockers who managed to not blow it. But rockers weren't the only ones delivering sub par or horrific performances this evening. 50 Cent and his crew, G-Unit, couldn't have been less enthusiastic in their performance. 50 seems more interested in becoming The Hulk rather than delivering music with conviction. 50's taunting of Fat Joe at the end of his performance was equally boorish. Diddy's umpteenth pillaging of Biggie Smalls' grave, this time via a Diddy conducted orchestra with guest rapping from Snoop Dogg (his part was worth viewing), was downright silly and obvious. Obvious in the fact that Diddy was just pimping to sell a few more copies of Biggie's catalog. However, nothing in the VMA's history was as horrifyingly awful as R. Kelly's performance of "Trapped in the Closet," a never-ending, irritating-as-shit, soap opera. "Closet's" ceaseless and nauseating script-like lyrics feature Kelly having to constantly keep listeners clued in. "And then he said, and then she said, and then he said?" ad infinitum and a gimmick that gets old quickly and soon becomes grating, with excruciating fast on grating's tail. Like a car crash, America has chosen to gawk at "Closet;" with R. Kelly being the modern-day equivalent of a geek show at a carnival. Except that this particular geek's hideousness lies within his mind and soul, not in his outward appearance. Nearly matching Kelly in the revolting and clueless department was comedian Dane Cook. Cook blathered on without once reaching a single soul in the arena or generating one laugh. I guess people don't find the concept of inserting explosives into children and then blowing them up all that funny. Imagine that? Mariah Carey was stiff and uncomfortable; lip-synching through her first song and quizzically not doing so for her second. Destiny's Child, who are "breaking up" soon, couldn't manage to work up much of an applause as they presented an award with Jamie Foxx, despite Foxx egging the crowd on to do so. Kanye West, who won for Best Male video early in the evening reveled in his past tantrums at awards shows by saying, "I guess they're saying 'We're going to give him this award early so we don't have to worry about nothin'." West's music may be great, as his performance of "Gold Digger" with Foxx from his latest release, Late Registration proved, but his immature attitude sucks. The two best performances of the evening came from singers this viewer wasn't expecting much of anything from. Shakira, performing with Alejandro Sanz, delivered a highly charged version of her latest single, "La Tortura.". Kelly Clarkson's spirited show finale "Since U Been Gone," was the other. The most welcome surprise came not from any presenter or performer, nor the show's host, but from MTV icons Beavis and Butt-Head. The animated moronic duo were on hand to promote the "Viewer's Choice" nominees. Packing more entertainment and laughs into their short appearances than the entirety of the awards show, Beavis and Butt-head's pleas to return to MTV's airwaves should be heeded. In the end, despite MTV's funny, but pathetic ads claiming the opposite, the channel doesn't bother to show videos anymore. This alone should be enough to dissuade them from thrusting another one of these awards show travesties on an unwitting public. Last night's VMA's simply underlines that point. Winners List
Best Video of the Year Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day Best Male Video Jesus Walks - Kanye West Best Female Video Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson Best Group Video Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day Best Rap Video Number One Spot - Ludacris Best R&B Video Karma - Alicia Keys Best Hip Hop Video Lose Control - Missy Elliott featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop Best Dance Video Lose Control - Missy Elliott featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop Best Rock Video Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day Best Pop Video Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson Best New Artist in a Video Mr. Brightside - The Killers Breakthrough Video Feel Good INC. - Gorillaz and Jamie Hewlett Best Soundtrack to a Video Game Dance Dance Revolution Extreme - Konami Video Game Best Direction in a Video Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Samuel Bayer, director (Green Day, artist) Best Choreography in a Video Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani, Kishaya Dudley (Gwen Stefani, artist) Best Special Effects in a Video Feel Good INC. - Passion Pictures (Gorillaz, artist) Best Art Direction in a Video What You Waiting For? - Zach Matthewes, art director (Gwen Stefani, artist) Best Editing in a Video Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Tim Royes, editor (Green Day, artist) Best Cinematography in a Video Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Samuel Bayer, director of photography (Green Day, artist) MTV2 Award Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy Viewer's Choice American Idiot - Green Day |
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