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Madonna Gives Fans $380 Worth Of Heat & Retrospectives

By: Jenny Grandy

Saturday July 08, 2006

It was Madonna to the Nth degree live in Chicago, what with the rampant sexual imagery, (murky) political & social ranting.
To say I was overwhelmed while walking out of the United Center from the first of four sold out Madonna shows would be very on target. I was overwhelmed by the size of the venue, the heat (no air conditioning because of Lady M's vocal chords), and the simple fact that people would actually pay over $380 per ticket, over $40 per t-shirt, $30 for parking, and $5 per beer for one evening.

To be honest, I didn't really grow up with Madonna. I didn't come of age with the fresh, edgy, object of fascination that many in the 30+ set found her to be in their formative years. My junior high and high school years consisted of her unofficial proteges (Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc.) ruling the charts, so needless to say the whole notion of a singer wearing provocative clothing and gyrating to her own music was somewhat old hat. Looking back, the only reason why those singers got as much attention as they did was that they were underage and gyrating to their own music in provocative clothing. But besides that, the whole culture in itself has a whole different notion of what is really shocking. Portrayals of semi-taboo sex acts? Many of us have basic cable. Lesbian kisses and innuendo? That's become a network TV staple despite the many claims that it's an edgy device. Yet walking into the United Center I had a lingering hope that the real pop diva would finally stand up and show everyone how it's really done. But first I had to endure Madonna's 75 minutes tardiness in 80+ degree balminess with nothing to do but look and listen.

There was a combination of couples in their 30s and 40s with money, business men impressing their clients, gay men decked out in cowboy shirts which looked like they were assaulted by someone with a Bedazzler, women in their 30s who could not convince their spouses to join them, and single women in their 30s decked out in 80s Madonna gear who could be mistaken for a typical mall goth given the black lace and oversized crosses. What was clear is that it wasn't a young crowd aside from the occasional sighting of moms dragging their school-aged or teenage daughters. The crowd cheered with every perceived lighting change in hopes that the show was starting and even occupied themselves with coordinating a full-arena wave, and finally got their wish at 8:45pm.

Much like everything Madonna does, image was everything. Throughout the 120-minute show there were numerous set changes and seven costume changes which gave the entire affair the aura of a Broadway show. The music consisted of a few of the old standbys interspersed with a set largely dominated by tracks from 2005's Confessions On A Dance Floor.

While descending in a large disco ball that peeled open to reveal the diva simulating pony-play (learn more about that by doing a Google search) with a riding crop ($45 through Madonna's official catalog), and doing lithe gymnastic moves on a levitating saddle, Madonna managed to find time to sing Confessions' "Future Lovers," a fairly weak version of Donna Summer's "I Feel Love," "Get Together," and the standby "Like a Virgin." After hyping the crowd into a frenzy by screaming "The night is young and the show has just begun" during "Jump," Madonna deflated it by leaving the stage for over five minutes to attach herself to a stylishly mirrored cross. Complete with a crown of thorns, Madonna crucified herself while singing "Live to Tell" and running video images of dying Africans along with a quote from the Bible (Matthew 25:35 if you're curious) and seemed to generate, if anything, confusion:

"What does that mean?" the Madonna fan next to me hastily whispered.

1. Feign ignorance, it's quicker.
2. Explain the PR concept of shock value.
3. Be mean and say Madonna has changed religions...again.
4. "No clue."

The pseudo-activism didn't end there with "Forbidden Love," a remix of "Sorry," and "Issac/Shofar." One of the better executed songs of the evening, "Forbidden Love" featured a pro-gay message and screensaver-like video clips of religious symbols together, "Sorry [remix]" had videos of illegal poaching, oil, the Ku Klux Klan, global warming, various dictators, and George W. Bush. While the singer's publicizing these causes is commendable, to put a "Save Africa" message between whipping a backup dancer and dry humping the dance floor seemed at the very least awkward and at most utterly perplexing both because of the order and that none of the organizations were present in the general areas to promote their causes.

After yet another break to change into costume, Madonna re-emerged with an electric guitar and an "I Love NY" jacket to appropriately belt out some of the better songs of the evening "I Love NY" ("Don't take it personally," said Madonna, "you know I like the Midwest."), 1998's "Ray of Light," and "Let It Will Be." However, this refreshingly organic (or as organic as Madonna can get these days) didn't last long as she broke out the melodrama/safe acoustic ballads "Drowned World" and "Paradise Not For Me." What can be said about this brief five-song set is that it was a space of time where the shiny Broadway veneer was downsized, however briefly. But then there was another break for costume/set change and it all exploded once again...this time disco style. The final act of the evening had "Music [Inferno]" go back to the '70s via roller-discoing backup dancers and Madge dressed in a John Travolta leisure suit a la Saturday Night Fever (and later in a Freddy Mercury unitard) for a remix of "Erotica," a misguided reinvention of "La Isle Bonita," the classic "Lucky Star," and the new hit "Hung Up." Then it was all over. Time for Madonna to say "Thank you," take a bow and say goodbye.

After being reintroduced to fresh air for the first time in over three hours I realized that between riding crops, "Save the Children" pleas, a mock crucifixion, and a roller disco scene, more than ever I felt as if I had just witnessed an overcooked and overblown PR musical set to Madonna's music instead of an actual living, breathing concert. But perhaps that was the point. Dance floor humping, bondage and preachiness is an apt description of Madonna's career. While she didn't give the crowd a career retrospective through her choices in the set list, she gave them all what they wanted with the act: Madonna. In the end it was painfully obvious that the artist who had set the standard for the shock 'n awe style of pop music currently was just trying to keep up with the times and attempting to hide the fact that she was cashing in instead of bursting forward.