Matt Duke - Kingdom Underground

Genre rock Publisher Rykodisc

So, I’ve been on a quest my entire adult life (although one could question how much of an adult I really am, if one at all).  This search is primarily for great music.  Well, great art.  Movies, paintings, clothing, architecture – these things fascinate me.  But, music especially excites me.  Maybe it’s because truly great music is so elusive.  And, truly great modern music is almost extinct, unless you travel to the grimey dungeon corners of every show bar in the world.  Maybe then you’ll find a great group.  Good luck.  I know of only a few.  Back to my quest… Daily, I dig for new artists, new music that inspires.  I also have a mini-quest, a little sliver of an Indiana Jones-type adventure that would take me, if successful, to the Bland Factory.  What’s that?  You’re telling me you’ve never heard of the Bland Factory?  Everyone has some way or another.  I’ll tell you what it is.

It’s a big red-brick warehouse building in some urban epicenter where they churn out cliché modern pop rock that’s so bad you wish you never had eardrums.  You know, the place where they make the music that sounds like someone is holding a pillow over the band, and the lead singer is falling from a tall building...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhAAAAAAHHHHHHHaaaaaahhhhhhhh… past your floor.  And, it doesn’t matter what he’s saying.  He could be talking about a four hundred year-old gypsy with leather skin and snow skis for feet – it doesn’t matter.  It’s never interesting.  It’s never even decent.  It’s bland.  That’s why it’s made at the Bland Factory.  If you know where that factory is, please let me know so we can torch it to the ground.

Which brings me to Matt Duke.  Now, what do you think I’m going to say about this young artist?  I wish I could shower him in laudatory remarks.  I wish I could praise his unbelievable talents.  I wish I could tell you of his one-of-a-kind lyrical talent that makes his latest album, Kingdom Underground, the greatest new album you’ll buy.  I also wish I had Brad Pitt’s abs and could dunk a basketball.  Unfortunately, Matt Duke’s music on this album is just like my mid-section – flabby and full of lint… and I still cannot dunk a basketball.  Okay, fine.  It’s not that bad.  But, it is a tough listen.

The CD starts off with “The Father, The Son and The Harlot’s Ghost,” a decent pop rock song that never quite peaks.  Then, the rest of the songs are bad imitations of that.  “I’ve Got Atrophy On the Brain” sounds like a 1999 Backstreet Boys song.  Note: that’s not a compliment, Backstreet Boys fans.  In “A Happy Hooligan”, Matt Duke (sounds like a politician’s name… or, a pornstar’s) sings “…rah, rah, rah…” or “…fa, la, la…” or some other nonsense.  Plainly put, it’s awful.  With all that’s going on in the world, there’s a lot to sing about.  But, Matt Duke chooses to sing about utter junk.  I have good news, though.  If you’re a teenage girl who hasn’t developed a mind of your own yet, you’ll love this boy band cut-out pop rocker with all of your heart.  Tweens rejoice!