Newton Faulkner - Hand Built By Robots

Genre pop Publisher Columbia External Links Newton Faulkner Website

I suppose this album is payback for all of the middling to horrible artists we Americans have foisted on the British public over the past four decades. Every time the latest chart bore notches millions of albums sold, they get repackaged and shipped off for BBC radio play to try and milk even more sales. Alternately, labels ship artists with flagging sales across the Atlantic in the hopes of reigniting careers in foreign markets. It was inevitable that years of sending over our Black Eyed Peas and our Ja Rules would come back to haunt us. I just never imagined that they would fire back with their homegrown version of one of our troubadours of lazy acoustic-pop.

Twenty-three year old singer-songwriter Newton Faulkner has taken Britain by storm over the past year, his hit single "Dream Catch Me" helped push this debut album to the number one slot. It’s a middle-of-the-road acoustic ballad, driven by a decent melody and Faulkner’s admittedly skillful guitar playing. But it seems odd that a guy with such a distinctly American style (check those dreadlocks and that hippy/surfer dude vibe) would resonate so strongly with British kids. Regardless, his sales have been promising enough over there that Columbia released Hand Built by Robots in America this Spring in the hopes of latching onto that chart-topping success of fellow mellow man Jack Johnson.

Faulkner’s decidedly average at best songs combine the worst aspects of Keller William’s one-man-band showmanship, Jason Mraz’s rapid-fire "look how clever I am" vocal delivery, and John Mayer’s painful earnestness. It’s a deadly combination, one that makes this album such a chore to sit through that no amount of pretty melodies and deft guitar playing can save it. Whether he’s churning out a string of "life ain’t so bad" tunes full of hippy sloganeering ("People Should Smile More") or "OMG humans aren’t perfect!" observations with laughable lyrics ("U.F.O."), it’s next to impossible to take Faulkner seriously. I mean, there’s even an instrumental interlude featuring a sitar called, get this, "Sitar-y Thing"! He even manages to suck most of the life out of Massive Attack’s "Teardrop", by turning it into a coffeehouse ballad in which he bangs out the icy beat on the back of his guitar.

It’s not that Faulkner is such a bad musician, but worse than being simply incompetent is using one’s natural talents to make such mind-numbingly mediocre music. He would become a thousand times less insufferable if he would simply stop taking himself so damned seriously, even John Mayer has the good sense to step back and laugh at himself now and then. Fortunately I don’t see "Dream Catch Me" really gaining traction in America, the melody isn’t immediate enough to dislodge current acoustic-pop chart-toppers like Colbie Caillat or the real Jack Johnson, so we should be rid of Faulkner soon enough. For now, however, I think we should propose a deal with the British music industry – we’ll keep the next Dave Matthews clone firmly ensconced on his beachside property as long as they keep guys like this well out of our earshot. Fair enough?