Aiden - Nightmare Anatomy

Genre rock Publisher Victory Records External Links Official Website Victory Records

When I tried to play this CD in my mom's computer, it froze the Windows Media Player up. I couldn't figure out what the problem was for a few minutes. The sound was coming and going abruptly. I figured it was either some sort of anti-piracy measure or these dudes had been listening to all the wrong Deerhoof songs. The truth was much worse. There was a little Flash movie that was trying to play about the making of Nightmare Anatomy, and it's the funniest thing I've ever scene. I practically choked on the pretzels I was eating four different times while watching these "punks" prance around the recording studio talking about nightmares and their deepest darkest feelings.

I am so fucking tired of hearing the Bad Religion-cum-Pennywise-cum-Guttermouth-cum-Face to Face-cum-Green Day snail trail that I could just about stuff my testes in a light socket. The only difference here is that Aiden is channeling the nine-year old mind, and not in the Picasso/genius way, either. Sample these lyrics: "So now it's midnight, you're all alone/ They use this fear/It's all just a bad dream and I can't seem to wake up from this." Wake up, Johnny. Mommy's here. Everything's going to be OK.

These dudes are actually obsessed with nightmares. Who gives a shit about a nightmare for more than an hour after it's over? Aiden does. They mention either having one or waking up from one in well over half the songs. I mean, shut the fuck up will you? There are real people with real problems in this world. People who have bigger concerns than what some finicky girl in a Hot Topic uniform thinks about your poetry. These dudes needs to grow up.

If you need more evidence against Aiden there's a section in the little video presentation called, "Blowing Off Steam While Recording," in which one of the band member's giggles, "We had a lot of Nerf wars." Then it shows these pussies shooting each other with Nerf guns IN SLOW MOTION. Yeah. These guys are about as punk as tea and biscuits with grandma.

But I think that my real problem with Aiden is jealousy. "A lot of people have one best friend," the band member who wears a sombrero says, "I have four best friends playing in this band." Fuck. I don't even have one best friend, unless you count my brother's ferret. These guys have four best friends a piece. How will I ever compete? Where's mom's mascara?

And the horrible pop-punk overture swells...