Ursula 1000 - Here Comes Tomorrow

Genre electronica Publisher ESL External Links Ursula 1000 ESL

I've died a quick, unremarkable death and woken up in hell. Hell is a Scion commercial and Ursula 1000 is the soundtrack. That's what I see when I listen to this record. One of those boxy shitheap cars cruising the streets of Miami with a bunch of clean cut DJs hanging out the windows drinking Sparks. They've all got veneers, wife-beaters and upsidedown visors. Ursula 1000 spills out of their auto as they pull roll up on pedestrians and drop colon-loads of phunk on the crosswalk.

There's fire behind their eyes.

"Hello, Let's Go To A Disco" is the second song on the album. Hello, let's go to a disco? How about goodbye. Or hello, lets speed past a disco with earplugs in and blinder on.

I shouldn't be so harsh. If I was the type of person who enjoyed dancing and getting sweaty on the lighted floor, I'd probably be deep into Ursula 1000. The beats are wicked tight, there are great horns and lots of Prince-like breathing. Unfortunately for me, I only like to dance to that one old ESG album, and even then only when I'm three days gone on Daiquiris. Did you know that you can drink four of those fruity paradise drinks an hour for six hours before you get sick? Or maybe that's the formula if you're a 33-year-old quasi-alcoholic with a leathery liver who weighs 198 pounds. Otherwise I'd go slow.

But definitely do not listen to Ursula 1000 while you drink Daiquiris. That's the main reason I've only listened to this once. I'll go ahead and come clean. I could tell by looking that this was dance music, so I mixed up a pitcher and drank half of it before I put the album on. I was only six songs deep (that's "Boop" if you're keeping score) when I'd finished my second pitcher and was in my boxers and socks. The way I was getting down was making Tom Cruise seem 100% pedestrian. No lip synching, just a full range of martial arts kicking and punching, plus some Jagger-style chicken dancing, and then--fuck, oh, fuck--puking! On my hands and knees throwing away $20 worth of rum and $6.50 in Taco Bell.

Hell ride, I tell you. Thanks a lot Ursula 1000. Thanks for being so goddamned funky.